Do you have a Selfish Friend?
Unfortunately, we all have them. Those friends who take way more away from a relationship than they contribute? You may have heard of the term ‘narcissistic’. This basically means that the person who has this mental outlook things the world revolves around them, and when they are your friend, you spend time, attention, energy and even financial resources on them to support their narcissistic lifestyle and needs.
How can You Tell?
Sometimes, its difficult to determine if your friend is indeed selfish unless you have already invested a substantial amount of time into the relationship. The relationship probably started out with you feeling as though they were interested in you, which is something we all, by human nature, crave. But if you really pay attention, you will notice that while they may ask questions about you, they ultimately turn the conversation back on themselves before you can answer. They can also pretend to be interested in your life but are really interested in obtaining something from you instead.
While it is true that friendship is not always 50/50 in the give and take department, to be a friend you must put the needs and wants of others before oneself. If you want a wide variety of friends, you will come in contact with a wide range of people. Some of them will become true friends, while others will not. Here are some tips to consider when you are dealing with selfish friends.
It Starts with You!
Do you ask yourself “Why am I friends with this person?” Has the person ever been disloyal, betrayed your trust? Developed an attitude when you did not comply with their wishes or gave them what they wanted? In other words, they have left you feeling bewildered and hurt.
The thing is, don’t take it personally. That may be difficult, if not impossible, to do. After all, your friend turned on you and taken advantage of you, yet they are your friends after all. Perhaps it was their personality that you liked, you have other friends that support you, you think that your selfish friend is harmless enough, or that they will change. Unfortunately, it is the nature of the beast, so to speak, not to change, so you have two options: Address the issue, or ignore it.
Change Yourself to Change the Friendship
If you choose to address the issue, prepare to be shocked, for most selfish friends will deny they are selfish. In fact, they maybe offended; or, worse yet—they may not care. But, don’t you owe it to yourself to express your concerns?
When you choose to confront the situation head on, try to avoid accusatory phrases like, ‘you always’, ‘you never’, ‘I hate when you’, or other absolute statements. Instead, use words that are kind, and focus on the specific incidents that hurt your feelings, and why you felt this was not the best way for things to go in your relationship.
Don’t attack your friend but find balance by listening to their side of the story. Their recollection of what happened maybe vastly different than yours.
Go in With a Goal in Mind
Do you want to work through the problem or call it quits? Keep in mind that you cannot change another person. The only person you can change is you. If ending the relationship is the goal, don’t be dramatic. Keep your head and don’t yell and scream. Don’t be mean either, for you never know what the future holds. While you may go into the intervention with the thought of dissolving the relationship, your selfish friend may actually acknowledge the problem, and want to change.
Whatever the outcome, it is important that you approach the concerns in the right way. Either goal you choose is important, or you wouldn’t have decided to go that direction. You must also be flexible, for part of friendship includes forgiveness. It is an essential part of any relationship, whether it is just beginning or at its end. No one benefits from a relationship that holds bitterness and animosity toward the participants in the exchange.